The Gottman Method has been an important part of my training as a couples therapist—and many of its principles continue to influence the way I understand what happens between partners.

Its research gives us useful ways to recognize patterns that strengthen relationships and patterns that make connection increasingly difficult. It can help us understand how couples manage conflict, respond to one another's attempts for connection, repair after difficult moments, maintain friendship and intimacy, and build a shared life together.

I have completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method and am a Certified Leader for both The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Bringing Baby Home programs.

But I don't believe every couple should be treated through a single therapeutic model.

The Gottman Method is one of the tools I draw from—not a formula I apply to every relationship.

Your relationship, your history, and what's happening between you determine what the work needs to look like.

You won't come into my office and work your way through a Gottman curriculum.

Instead, I may use Gottman research and tools when they help us better understand what's happening in your relationship.

That might mean identifying patterns such as criticism, defensiveness, contempt, or shutting down. We may look at how you respond to attempts for connection, what happens when conflict becomes emotionally overwhelming, or how well you're able to repair after a difficult interaction.

Sometimes we'll use a specific exercise or skill. Sometimes Gottman research simply gives us a useful way to understand a pattern we're already seeing in the room.

For couples who want a more comprehensive picture of their relationship, I may also recommend the Gottman Relationship Checkup, an online assessment that helps identify areas of strength as well as places that may deserve more attention.

The goal isn't to make your relationship fit the model. It's to use the model when it helps us understand—and change—your relationship.

I had the opportunity to speak with a local news station about the Gottman Method and some of the research and principles that can help couples build stronger relationships.

If you'd like to hear a little more about the approach—and see me talking about relationships outside the therapy room—you can watch the interview below.

#https://qclife.wbtv.com/2023/02/16/learn-improve-your-relationship-through-marriage-workshops/

The Gottman Method offers valuable research, tools, and ways of understanding relationships. The work we do together will be shaped by what is actually happening in yours.

Experience gives us a plan. Expertise tells us when to change it.